Music 08

Today’s song is

“Wish you were here” by Pink Floyd.

Because it’s perfect for a grey but not overly rainy Sunday, it’s melancholic but not really sad and – although I don’t really understand the lyrics – at least the title is something I can relate to at the moment.


Music 07

Yesterday’s song was

“I follow rivers” by Triggerfinger

Because it’s soothing, and, to me, it is connected with many pleasant memories. And it is a song I can listen to over and over again for hours – which I did – without getting tired of it.

Ninth Post

This one has a very complicated topic. Love.

I spent quite a substantial amount of time thinking about what that is to me. Love. Before as well as after falling in love, that is. Essentially, I am glad that my attitude towards what love means has not been changed by me actually falling in love with someone.

To me, loving someone is to a large extent the wish to be a part of that person’s life. To share all the small things that fill up one’s days, to be able to talk about everything and nothing without having to worry about how and what to say, to be oneself and still feel respected and accepted in a sense that one’s eccentricities and oddities are embraced as much as all the talents and virtues. I dislike the expression “to give someone one’s heart” because that entails that your centre, your being, your lifeline is somehow transferred to this other person and that is a somewhat scary image. I’d prefer the image that the two souls – whatever that is – become linked in a supporting, reassuring band that is strong but not inflexible. To me, true love is a feeling of sharing one’s life with that person, not making them the centre of one’s existence. If I love someone I won’t dedicate them each of my heartbeats; my life is essentially mine and I have dreams, wishes and goals that I want to pursue as much as I expect of them to have their dreams, wishes and goals.

Loving each other is then finding strength and security in the other’s presence, sharing all that there is to share but not challenging the other’s freedom and personal identity. Developing mutual understanding and the other’s needs and happiness without having to think much about what to do exactly. And this sensation that you not only make skin contact when you touch them but… soul contact, as well. My lacking the need to socialise that I described earlier is probably also the reason that I can feel totally happy for a long time just on the knowledge that there is this special person who loves me and is loved by me. This connection already gives me a sense of stability, security and not-being-alone without seeing them every day or speaking to them.

I would never think of owning someone I love, they are an individual in every sense of the word, just as I am, and no feeling would ever make me want to lose this feeling of distinctiveness. To speak figuratively, they would become the counterweight on my life scale, balancing and stabilising, stimulating and lifting me to where I wouldn’t get on my own, but they wouldn’t become the star in my solar system – that is and will always be me. A twin star system, maybe, falling out of the usual cycles when the second one enters, rotating around each other once everything settles back and being left out of sync if it leaves unexpectedly.

I listen to these love songs and I get the impression that my definition of “love” is a more… quiet… one. Not weaker, I think, just less possessive.

I never understood the concept of jealousy and I have never been jealous because, to me, that has to be rooted in mistrusting one’s partner. But trust is the primary basis of love. And if I have reason to mistrust my partner there is something wrong on a far deeper level than jealousy would go. Someone flirting with my partner would probably elicit feelings of pride because this desirable person chose me instead of anyone else. This entails that I do not believe in the exclusivity for sexual contact that normally defines love. If I love someone and I feel loved by them I trust them entirely; if they wish to explore sexual needs that I cannot or do not want to fulfil that is perfectly fine with me – as long as I know what it is, because I want to understand their wishes and feelings – and who knows, maybe it’s something I’ve always wanted to try myself. Sex can be a special bond between two lovers, but it can also be nothing more than a pleasurable activity. And if my partner was looking for the first in someone else, there would be something wrong with the relationship, anyway. If they were looking for the latter, I would just be curious as to how it went.

Music 05

Today’s soundtrack is

Undisclosed Desires by Muse

Partly just because I really like Muse. And because I think this one is a very beautiful love song – it matches my understanding of love. It is not as restricting and possessive as many others; it lacks this underlying “my world is meaningless without you” message which I think slightly disturbing. Instead it is about accepting, recognising and understanding the person you love (at least that is how I interpret it).

And because I like the rhythm and I felt like listening to a love song.

To emphasise my point, here are the lyrics to the song:

I know you’ve suffered,
But I don’t want you to hide,
It’s cold and loveless,
I won’t let you be denied

I’ll make you feel pure,
Trust me,
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask,
I want to exorcise the demons from your past,
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers,
That you’re wicked and divine,
You may be a sinner,
But your innocence is mine

Please me,
Show me how it’s done,
Tease me,
You are the one

And following that I came across

Resistance, also by Muse and from the same album,

which has a similar tone and is also a very beautiful love song – and since recently, I understand it even better than before.

Again, the lyrics (inspired by George Orwell’s famous novel “1984” – which I have yet to read):

Is our secret safe tonight
And are we out of sight
Will our world come tumbling down?
Will they find our hiding place
Is this our last embrace
Or will the world stop caving in?

It could be wrong
Could be wrong
But it should’ve been right
It could be wrong
Could be wrong
To let our hearts ignite
It could be wrong
Could be wrong
Are we digging a hole
It could be wrong
Could be wrong
This is out of control
It could be wrong
Could be wrong
It can never last
It could be wrong
Could be wrong
Must erase it fast
It could be wrong
Could be wrong
But it could’ve been right
It could be wrong could be

Love is our resistance
They’ll keep us apart they wont stop breaking us down
Hold me
Our lips must always be sealed

If we live our life in fear
I’ll wait a thousand years
Just to see you smile again
Kill the prayers for love and peace
You’ll wake the thought police
We can’t hide the truth inside

Love is our resistance
They’ll keep us apart they wont stop breaking us down
Hold me
Our lips must always be sealed

The night has reached his end
We can’t pretend
We must run
We must run
It’s time to run

Take us away from here
Protect us from further harm

Music 04

Today’s song is

Comptine d’un autre été: l’après-midi by Yann Tiersen, composed for the soundtrack to the film “Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amélie Poulain”.

Because today was a stressful day, crowded with strangers, and this melody has the power to make you feel like you’re in the calm centre of a hurricane when you’re surrounded by people – and for me, as long as I’m outside, feeling alone is a good feeling.