Autism Awareness Day 2014

Today is Autism Awareness Day.

And, coincidentally, also Children’s Book Day. I like that, since I love reading and I like many children’s books, still.

I actually feel like a child in many ways. Instinctively, I associate myself with children rather than adults, and emotionally, I’d guess my age at something between 9 and 17. I’m overwhelmed by the complexity of adult life, stubborn with complicated formalities and I have to struggle a lot to do things I deem meaningless – but which have to be done due to social or formal reasons.

I can be enthusiastic about toys, games, childish jokes and I absolutely love my plush doll collection.

But this is about autism awareness.

 

Since receiving my diagnosis, I’ve been feeling more relaxed and content. I know it doesn’t really change anything; I haven’t applied for any support or care, because my parents and my boyfriend currently provide all the support and care I need. But it did make a difference for me personally. It feels right.

Although I often challenge the diagnosis. I ask myself stupid questions like “wasn’t that a very un-autistic thought?” or “would someone with autism really have done/said/felt that?”. I know there’s no real comparison. Even with diagnosed Asperger’s sydrome, I’m not a sum of symptoms. And I do have very “normal” characteristics – but I also have very “autistic” traits. I just usually don’t notice that because no one in my immediate surrounding provides any triggers – they all accept me with my quirks and don’t expect me to be like any other 29-year-old.

When I do interact with someone close to my age, I am suddenly very aware of how different I seem to function. But that is my “awareness”. What about the others’? Autism spectrum disorders are invisible as far as physical traits are concerned. Sometimes I want to tell those outside-people: I’m not weird, I’m autistic and just because you don’t notice the challenges I overcome,  it doesn’t mean I can’t be proud of it.

But would that help? Do I WANT people to know? Will they then still see that I am more than a collection of symptoms?

 

I’m applying for graduate studies at a new university. I’m wondering if I should make them aware of my AS. I probably will as I DO have troubles with some types of examination, especially if it includes group work and participation in seminars.

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Published by

khyrean

I am a psychology student from Germany with diagnosed asperger's syndrome. I love painting & drawing, cats, good smells, things that have interesting surface textures, music and sweets; additionally, I like making macarons, reading, (macro) photography and neurosciences. I found a few quotes which I either like very much or which I think reflect something of my character: /// I understand the concept of humour. It may not be apparent, but I am often amused by human behaviour. - Seven of Nine, Star Trek: Voyager, 4.5 /// I have never understood why it should be necessary to become irrational in order to prove that you care, or indeed why it should be necessary to prove it at all. - Avon Kerr, Blake's Seven /// Science is a differential equation. Religion is a boundary condition. - Alan Turing, Letter to Robin Gandy, 1954 /// We can only see a short distance ahead, but we can see plenty there that needs to be done. - Alan Turing, Computing Machinery and Intelligence, 1950 /// Null magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae. - Seneca /// It's human nature to stretch, to go, to see, to understand. Exploration is not a choice, really; it's an imperative. - Michael Collins /// We're still fighting the battles of tomorrow with the weapons of yesterday. - Mahbub ul Haq, Human Development Index

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